Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson in Fifty Shades Darker. Photo: Universal Studios
By Darlene Donloe
You know a movie
is in trouble when a mature audience made up of all-media professionals -
laughs throughout the movie, during scenes that are supposed to be hot, heavy,
slow, deliberate, sexy and provocative.
The laughter was so incessant in Fifty
Shades Darker - that I thought for a moment that the movie was actually
supposed to be a comedy. By the way,
there are some comedic moments, but the film is not, I repeat not, a comedy.
So, here we are
again with Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), the brooding billionaire with a weird
proclivity for sex, trying to woo the damsel named Anastasia Steele (Dakota
Johnson).
When we left
Christian and Anastasia in author E. L. James’ original film, Fifty Shades Of Grey, Anastasia had left
Christian because he was getting off on the pain he was inflicting. This time
we open with Grey doing everything he can to win her back. He promises there will be no secrets. This time
he will be open and honest and they will no longer have the master-slave
relationship.
Things seem to
be going Christian’s way until a mysterious woman shows up and threatens
Anastasia. Who is the woman? Who is she
to Christian? What does she want? Why
has she come back? All are good questions.
However, the reasons are still a bit murky.
Then there is
another woman played by Kim Basinger, who was previously in Christian’s life,
but is now jus a mysterious entity.
And then there
is Anastasia’s new boss. What a creep!
The story is already set up to have him make an appearance in Three
Shades Darker (at least that’s what I’m calling it).
In
this latest sexcapade, Christian is still a dominant figure.
We
do manage to find out more about him, though.
We find out he was abused as a child, which actually explains a
lot. He has several cigarette burns on
his chest. We find out his mother was a crack addict who died when he was still
very young. His adoptive mother is played by Marcia Gay Harden, who is always
spectacular.
I don’t mean to
be picky, but there was one scene – well, there was more than one scene, but
for the sake of this review, I’m going to talk about this one scene. Without
giving it away, someone goes missing, but shows up safe and sound without any
explanation. It makes absolutely no
sense. It’s hilarious!
The problem with
Fifty Shades Darker, directed by
James Foley, is that it's simply not
sexy. Christian and Anastasia are not a sexy couple. They are just two people
who have raw, kinky sex. And, maybe
that’s all it needs. Maybe that’s just
what the fans want! Jamie Dornan is a nice enough looking man. Dakota Johnson is a cute woman. But there is
something missing – and, to be fair, I just don’t know what it is.
Fifty Shades Darker is Rated R: for sex and bared female
breasts. Running time: 1h 58m.
Fifty Shades Darker is directed by James Foley, written by
Niall Leonard and stars Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Eloise
Mumford and Bella Heathcote.
On the DONLOE
SCALE: D (don’t bother), O (oh, no) N (needs work), L (likeable), O (oh, yeah)
and E (excellent), Fifty Shades Darker
get an N-L (Needs work - likeable).
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